How do you really forgive someone? How do you forgive those who have offended or hurt you? In this article, I want to share with you a significant difference that most people don’t understand about forgiving. You’re about to discover the significant difference between true forgiveness and half-hearted forgiveness. You may agree with me or not but most of us don’t do true forgiveness. What we only just do is half-hearted forgiveness.
The difference between the two is very definite. Giving true forgiveness to those who have hurt you or wrong you is allowing the relationship to start anew. While if you don’t do true forgiveness and do half-hearted forgiveness instead, what you’re really doing is you’re sabotaging the relationship even more.
Situation In Which You Might Want To Forgive Someone
So, these are situations where you’ve been cheated on and lied about, and abused, whether emotional, physical, or verbal. You’ve received hurtful remarks from people, anger issues that you have with people, or just wrong behavior in general of any kind. They have wronged you and, in some way, you feel offended. A harm was done towards you, and therefore, forgiveness is needed- especially if you still want to keep and value that relationship.
These are the situations wherein you may really want to work on your ability to forgive easily. Because if you simply can’t forgive someone, then that means you have breakable relationships. If you really want to maintain a relationship that can last a lifetime, then invariably, things will come about. People make mistakes. We all make mistakes. They make mistakes. It’s definitely going to take place.
If you really want to develop the ability to forget the wrong things that were done to you and still keep the relationship, forgiveness is the only way in which you can patch up your past relationship. Otherwise, your relationships will end and you definitely don’t want that to happen.
Difference Between Half-Hearted And True Forgiveness
Forgiveness is learning to let go and move forward. It has two components- letting go and moving forward. You may agree with me or not, but many of us think that it’s just one component, which is to let go. They let go but they don’t really forget. They keep on thinking and contemplating on the wrong things that were done to them. Sadly, they continue to keep that thing alive.
Half-hearted forgiveness can be compared to a scab. You can’t help but pick at your scab most of the time. You’re just making it worse if you can’t help but pick at it all the time. It’s just going to be worse and worse and worse, and that’s no different if you forgive half-heartedly.
If you know true forgiveness, then you’ve actually let go of the situation and you’ve decided to move forward. You’re no longer holding into your past. You’re no longer stuck on remembering those moments. Your past has nothing to do with you now. It only stays with you to the extent that you’re reliving it over and over and that’s not how you want it to be.
When you do half-hearted forgiveness, it also becomes a self-righteous forgiveness. What does self-righteous forgiveness mean? It means that you’re proud of yourself for being this noble person, for forgiving another person. It’s like you’re keeping score.
When you do that, you elevate yourself and put yourself on a pedestal. Now that you’re in the pedestal, you’ve got this air of superiority and you’re holding a score card over the other person’s head. The point of forgiveness is you can send a clean slate and move forward.
If you’re doing the self-righteous forgiveness where you’re proud of yourself, then what you’re actually building up is your ego. It’s creating more toxicity. Inside, it’s creating a sort of layer. A layer that runs under your whole relationship of resentment. That’s not the point of forgiveness.
Choice To Forgive Someone
You have to forget the wrong and that’s a decision that you have to make. It’s a decision and it doesn’t mean that you forgive everybody for everything. But if you feel like you can repair it and feel that person can change and won’t make the same mistakes in the future, then you can make a choice.
Now if you make that choice, you’re making a promise to yourself to let it go right then and there and to never ever think about it again. It’s a promise you make between you and you. The other person has nothing to do about it. It really does take a lot of strength and inner courage to forgive someone.
Letting go is something that you can do right now. However, the forgetting part can really be difficult because your mind will just keep thinking and visualizing the wrong things done to you. What you can do is you have to summon courage and fortitude to stay on track with your promise. You made a promise to yourself that you’re not going to go there anymore. It takes strength to do true forgiveness.
What True Forgiveness Means
True forgiveness is when you realized that you have no reason to hate or to judge the other person in the first place. You have to summon something within yourself. You need to be strong and courageous. If you’re struggling to forgive someone, then this is something that you may want to think about. Think about how you want your relationship to go in the future. How do you want to use forgiveness to help you patch up your past relationship?
The problem with forgiveness and having difficulty with it is all about being stuck in the past. Do you want to know why you’re stuck in the past? It’s mainly because you have no direction. You feel like you have no purpose. But if you start to see and feel what your purpose in life is, you tend to let go and move on eventually.
It’s now easier for you to forgive someone simply because you no longer care that much, even if they have wronged you. You already have shifted your thoughts towards your new track, your purpose in life. With your new course, you would like to avoid negativities as much as possible, and to do that it’ll be helpful for you to know if you’re dealing with a pessimist.